Desert Song
by Swampduck
Summary: Post a theoretical ME3, Shepard and Thane finally go on that desert vacation.


She was going to die. All her battles, all her training and preparations had stood her well for so long but she had at last come to the end. Had she anything left within her to spare towards anger, she'd be pissed; to have lasted so long and against so many enemies only to die here? She had turned back the Reapers, a foe that lesser men had called Gods, only to die in the middle of nowhere on this Godforsaken planet! But she had no energy to be angry, to rage at the unfairness of it all. All she could do was fall to the ground, exhausted, body as dry as the empty expanse of sand surrounding her, and hope it would be over soon. She rolled over onto her back and stared into the blue sky thinking at least there wasn't a more beautiful last sight than the cerulean sky and its white moon-

"Siha, darling? Why are you lying down?"

Actually, Thane's face wasn't a bad sight to take to the grave either.

"Oh, just taking in the view."

Thane dropped down to sit beside her and looked down the side of the massive sand dune they had been climbing, into the valley below. The desert stretched out as far as they could see, occasionally broken up by smaller, isolated dunes or scrubby desert brush. At the very base of the dune they were on was their camp, nothing but an old, military jeep, a camp table with some chairs, and their tent. Next vacation, she was bringing a better car. Actually, next vacation screw the camp, she was staying at a 7 star resort. One with a pool. Possibly an ice skating rink. She had once gone ice skating in Elysium. It had been pretty fun, before the whole 'raiders shooting at civilians' thing.

"It _is_ breathtaking," Thane said, smiling. "You said you'd only been here a few times?"

"Well, I've been here, to Earth a few times. At the Alliance training camps, and for a few weekend passes while stationed on Luna, but never HERE, here. Wherever here is."

"Khongoriin Els, the Singing Sand of the Gobi, Mongolia. Just under one third of the way up the dune."

She eyed him wearily, looking for signs of teasing, but his face was annoyingly beautific.

"Hurgh!" she heaved her upper body up off the sand and swiped his water bottle, taking a swig and sitting forward with her elbows on her knees. She tried to see what it was that the he found so enchanting about the scene before her, but as far as she could tell it was just…desert. There was just the sand of the dunes, stretching out on each side for miles, the hard, cracked earth of the desert floor and the slightly pathetic plants. To her, it was just a lot of emptiness. Maybe that was what he liked? Maybe it was just the draw of the quiet. God knew he like his personal space, still though, wasn't _outer_ space better, if that was what he was after?

"What is it about the desert?" she asked him, pouring some of the water into a cupped palm and rubbing it on the back of her neck. "What made you want to come here? I mean this desert specifically?"

He looked up at her with his 'I have a secret' smile. "That is an excellent question."

She thought about his response for a minute, looked down, then started to reach out tenderly…and flicked the remaining drops of water from her fingers at him. His only reaction was to scrunch up his face and she laughed and fell forward and kissed him with her chapped lips. He pulled her up until they were both standing again and seized her wrist, drawing her up the side of the dune. She laughed and staggered along behind him, but he wouldn't let her slow and when the shifting footing made them stumble they would hold on and pull each other up.

When they finally reached the peak they stopped and looked out across the land, silent. The dune they had climbed, nearly a quarter mile high, was located on the very edge of the field. From the top, they could see the vastness of the stretch of sand. Behind them, the camp looked tiny; before them, the other dunes looked like the small ripples of a disturbed pond. Far to the side she could see the crests of the largest dunes, almost twice the height of the one they were on. The air had felt still and calm on the way up, but here, at the top, it whipped her hair around her face in a frenzy. A stream of sand blew off the edge of the ridge and stung the bare skin of her shins. The hard, baked land of the Gobi stretched out around them, reaching as far as the horizon. Out in space, traveling from one end of the galaxy to the other in the Normandy, it was easy to lose track of the sheer scale of it all. In a place like this, it was impossible to forget.

* * *

It seemed like the traditional, felted blankets that the tour agency had stashed in the back of the jeep used some type of ancient, Mongolian magic. After returning from their hike up the dunes yesterday she had taken one and wrapped it around herself like a cocoon. The fabric, which had been folded in the dark shade of the tent all day, had felt cool and soothing on her pink skin. As she slept, it became warm and cozy even in the cold of the nighttime desert. But now it was morning, and apparently the thing had decided it was time for her to either get up or die from overheating.

She shoved the blankets down and sat up, stretching her arms and glancing around the empty tent. No Thane, but her laptop was blinking with a new message.

"Shepard, Joker here. I know you told me not to bug you unless it was really important, like the universe ending or something, but thought you should know you might be getting some storms over the next few days. Nothing too bad, just a heads up. Also, Garrus is lame and you should totally leave Jack in charge next time you go on vacation. Later."

She snorted and closed the computer. Clothes went on first, then a pair of running shoes before she stepped out of the tent and looked around for Thane. He was off to the side of the camp, working through a series of hand-to-hand exercises.

"Joker left a message," she called out from the table, grabbing a yogurt cup from the cooler and a spoon. "He said we're going to get rained on at some point. Though it sure doesn't look like it." The morning sky was pale blue and the clouds were small and white. While she was distracted by breakfast Thane snuck up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"Today? We were going to that canyon with the ice."

"Nnm hhmm," she pulled the spoon out of her mouth and swallowed. "He said in the next couple days or so, so probably not. We can still go." She grinned to herself, "Besides, it might be nice to get rained on if today is a hot as yesterday." He hummed in contemplation.

"Your skin is warm."

"I got a little bit sunburned."

He straightened up and gently rubbed her shoulders. The burn wasn't bad enough to hurt, but the extra sensitivity of her skin gave her tingles and she shivered.

"However," she tossed the empty yogurt cup into the trash and licked off the spoon, "before we can do that, someone will need to take the jeep to the ranger station and get a day pass into the main area of the park. Yol Canyon is a protected area, only a limited number of hikers a day." She turned around, facing him and smiling coyly, "And since the station is in the opposite direction we need to go, and I haven't gone on my run yet…"

"You'd like me to fetch the pass and return to pick you up?"

"Well since you offer," she grinned and pecked him on the nose, dropping the keys she had swiped from the table into his pocket. "See you in an hour?"

"Of course." He kissed her and walked toward the jeep. She watched his dust cloud for a moment as it faded away then set off.

She didn't like running, but she did like time it gave her to think. Getting privacy on a ship was almost impossible, but something about being on a treadmill discouraged casual conversation. She used her morning run as a time to sort her thoughts for the day and right now she had a few thoughts to sort.

When they had decided to take this vacation she had known he wanted to go to some desert, somewhere, but she was surprised when he had come to her with this specific park. She hadn't really cared where they went and hadn't thought he did either. But even though he wouldn't tell her why, the refusal felt teasing, light-hearted. In comparison, their conversations about the Normandy were stilted and he seemed to withdraw when the subject of their return came up. He was as affectionate and attentive as always, but she had been an XO for four years. She knew the signs of someone under her watch feeling troubled. She didn't know the source of the problem, but she knew it was more than simply not looking forward to the end of a vacation.

As she approached the turnaround point of her run the monotonous land was broken by a dry, stream bed. She turned and glanced down into the small channel but the flash of white at the bottom stopped her from moving on. Collected in a shallow that had once held an eddy, was a jumble of bleached white bones. Slightly off to the side, the heavy skull of a horse looked up, as if gazing into the sky. While she had been running she had only paid attention to her direction and her thoughts, but now, having been interrupted, she looked around her. There were bones everywhere. The damaged skulls of horses, cows, and goats were all around; half buried in the sand and collected here by seasonal rains. By now the morning mist was nearly burned off and the sun beat down on her. A drop of sweat rolled down from her hairline to the small of her back. As she looked around, it occurred to her just how far she was from civilization. Her hand went to her pocket and she felt the weight of her omni-tool and its emergency contact channels, but in the dead stillness and silence of the air it wasn't as much of a comfort as she expected.

She shook herself once, mental told herself to snap out of it, and deliberately loosened her grip on the omni-tool. One of the more intact skulls was only a few feet away and she approached it curiously. One foot reached out and she used a toe to flip the cracked bone over, then jumped back and gave a little scream when a small lizard darted from his hiding spot into a nearby bush. She laughed at herself and turned to head back to camp. Tomorrow she would bring music. Something peppy. Now that she had seen them, it was hard to ignore the occasional bit of skeleton as she ran. Even with all of her training, this place was wild, and if she wasn't careful, it could kill her as easily as it did everything else.

* * *

She had returned to camp and reunited with Thane, although she hadn't mentioned her creepy find. Now they were driving together toward the canyon, navigating by GPS and terrain maps. There were no roads out here and they had nearly gotten the vehicle stuck a few times but they should be near their destination. Then, suddenly, it was there. It was a canyon all right, but it wasn't carved into the ground. They had been driving along a small mountain range and the canyon winded through the rocky outcroppings of the mountains themselves. This was a popular area for the tour groups that came through, and for the first time since their arrival they saw other people. A few groups of hikers milled around the entrance to the canyon path and vendors were scattered throughout the buses. The only non-human beside Thane was a single Asari standing near a man who had his arm around her waist. Yet despite the unlikelihood that anyone had seen a Drell before, no one seemed to take notice of them as they made their way to the trailhead. A few of the local children stared, but their parents didn't seem to find anything unusual. In fact, the Asari seemed more interested in Thane's presence than anyone else. She glanced at Thane, at Shepard, then at her companion and gave a little sigh. Shepard chuckled and preened a bit but shook her head when Thane shot her a questioning look. It wouldn't do to let his head swell, after all. The sun seemed bound and determined to beat yesterday's temperature, but as soon as they stepped between the canyon walls it was like Shepard's skin had been draped with a cool towel. The air was no less dry, but nature had turned up the air conditioning.

"Woah," she said, looking around.

"The stone does an impressive job keeping the air cool."

"No kidding, look," she pointed ahead, "there are even blooming flowers. Everything outside is dead."

They pass several bunches of the small purple blossoms and the deeper they got, the more life they encountered. Birds were nesting in the walls of rock, flowers and grass grew, and a small creek began trickling along.

"It's easy to see how this place became sacred," Thane commented as the paused to let a return group past them. "A hidden place, full of life, even when the world around fades away."

"True," she replied, "Funny how it seems like the most beautiful things are the ones that have to work the hardest to survive."

He gave her a sidelong look as they started off again.

"What?" she asked.

"The things that have to work hardest, like you? Forged in fire, as they say?"

She snorted, a bit annoyed to feel herself blushing, "Not quite what I meant. I was thinking more that we appreciate the precarious things more than the sure ones. Oh, wow…" They had made a sharp turn in the walls and came across that which made the canyon famous.

Here, in the middle of summer, in the middle of the Gobi Desert, was clear, crystal ice. It clung to the rock walls in a pure, white sheet. Drops of melted water slowly fell into the stream, the sound echoing off the walls like in a cave. Ice was gathered in small masses under the overhanging walls and tiny icicles glittered in the light. The whole section of the canyon seemed to glitter.

"Like this," she continued, awed, "It's just ice, but it's _here_, and that makes it special. It could melt, it seems like it _should_ melt any second, so we try to take it in as much as we can while it's here."

Thane didn't respond. She turned to look at him, but he wasn't facing her. The line of his shoulders was stiff and she frowned.

"Thane?"

He turned suddenly to face her, mouth smiling, but eyes blank of emotion. "I know what that is like." Her frown deepened.

"Is every-"

"We should turn back," he interrupted softly. "It will get dark fast in here and the sun is getting low." He started off back the way they came, not waiting for her answer. She had been right, something was seriously wrong.

"Sure," she replied watching him move away. After a few seconds, she followed.

* * *

Shepard rubbed between the tendons leading to her toes and flexed the ball of her foot. Her new hiking shoes were a bit narrower than her usual military boots and had a tendency to feel like little toe prisons after a few hours. Thane sat down on the bedding in front of her and pulled her foot from her hands, taking over. She laid back, closed her eyes, and to a deep, relaxing breath.

"You know," she broke the silence, "I was thinking that after we get back to the Normandy we should swing by the Citadel. Liara said she's been picking up more rumors about that Batarian rebel group and I want to see if I can prod the Council into giving up some info."

He didn't respond right away, and for a moment the only sound was the wind against the side of the tent.

"If that it was you wish to do."

She frowned, "Well I _know_ that the council's got a few intelligence teams on the ground. I'm mostly thinking about spillover. We've got more than a few colonies right up against Hegemony space, and they have a tendency to redraw map lines depending on their mood. Might be a good idea to check it out?"

"You are the Spectre, it's up to you to determine how best to protect the galaxy."

She sat up on her elbows and looked at him.

"Does that mean I can't ask the opinions of those I trust?"

He sighted, "No, forgive me. Are you really so eager to throw yourself back into the fray, though?"

"I hadn't thought to throw myself," she replied wryly, laying back down, "I was thinking maybe a slow stroll."

"I only mean, this is supposed to be a leave from your duties, must you plan this now?"

"You know me, I hate being left hanging, I'm a planner."

"And then you immediately render it for naught by charging into the thickest of the fray."

She sat back up again and gave him a hard stare. He avoided catching her eyes.

"Which I can _survive_ because of our _planning_, but this isn't the 'throwing yourself into danger' argument," she shook her head lightly in confusion, " what's this really about?'

"Nothing, we're not having an argument, I'm giving you a foot rub and you're planning your future." The terseness of his tone belied his statement.

"If talking about this annoys you that much then we won't. I just thought, since we're rendezvousing with Normandy tomorrow…" she shrugged, "It might be good to have some sort of plan."

"It doesn't annoy me." Ooh, she hadn't heard that tone since accusing the Hanar of slavery. "The Citadel is fine, I can depart there."

"Depart…wha?" She blinked, startled, "Is that what's been grinding on you all week? You're mad at me because I didn't ask you to stay with the Normandy?!"

He sighed and finally gave up on the massage. She sat up fully and faced him.

"If that's the root of this, I'm sorry, everyone else just assume they were staying, it didn't occur to me to ask. Or..." she paused, "or you _want_ to leave…I can understand that, if you want to do some things on your own. You don't have to stay."

He was still looking away and she reached out and traced the path of one bold, black line from the corner of his brow down his neck.

"You're not required to be with me every day," she smiled at him, "You _are_ required to call at least every now and then though, and I wouldn't mind a date if we're in the same place at the same time…"

She had meant it jokingly, but he took hold of her wrist and pulled her hand away, rising to stand in the small space of the tent.

"Or not…" She rose as well and moved to him. She placed her palm on the flat of his shoulder blade and felt the tenseness in the muscles.

"Alright, I'm all done guessing, since clearly I'm not hitting the mark." Her other hand went up to his back as well and she rested her forehead on the back of his neck.

"Talk to me Thane, what's going on in your head?"

He didn't respond and she gave him a little shake, "Come on, do you want to stay? Do you want to go? Do you want joint custody of the fish? You can have the stupid things, but I call dibs on the hamster."

It was a weak joke, but he gave a small snort and she decided even a small reaction was a victory, given how reserved he was behaving. He shifted beneath her hands and she waited, quiet, to see if he would break his silence.

"I haven't any plans that would take me away," he turned and faced her, "but I cannot simply follow you about on your missions."

She blinked, "Why not? It seemed to work pretty well for the last two years."

He ran his hands down her arms and took her hands in his, holding them together and rubbing the backs of her fingers with his thumbs.

"We had a purpose then, we were facing the Collectors and then the Reapers. Those threats are over."

"That doesn't mean I won't need your help again. The Spectres were needed before we had ever heard of the Reapers, I can't imagine that's changed."

"So you would like me at hand on the chance that my skills become useful?" he arched one brow at her.

"What? No," she shook her head, "Not like that, I mean you wouldn't be bored if you _did_stay. Are you really in such a hurry to leave?" She pulled her hands from his grasp and put them on his waist. "We spent so much time together in the middle of battle and crisis and struggle, wouldn't it be nice to get to know each other with a little less gunfire?" She smiled, "Like this week, only with showers and real mattresses." She stepped closer to him, wrapping her arms around him in a loose embrace. "No galaxy ending threats, no worrying about sickness and time limits, you can get to know Kolyat better, assuming you can pry him away from Oriana."

His face grew tighter as she talked and his stance in her arms was reluctant.

"What?" she asked warily.

"It's just," he answered, "we haven't known each other outside of those conditions. And you're correct, there is no time limit, perhaps now would be a good time to…see what life is like without such stresses. Perhaps you might get back in touch with your officer, Kaidan…"

"Kaidan?" she asked, surprised at the mention of him, "why..? Oh no, no nonono." She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly a little peeved, "I know where this is going. If you want to 'rediscover' yourself, you go right ahead, with or without me, but this had better not be the 'I think we should see other people' talk." She poked him in the chest as he stared at her mutely. "We have been through too much together for you to play that card. I get it if you want to spend some time on your own, or wanting to reconnect with Kolyat without the punch-happy, human girlfriend standing next to you, but don't even think of dumping me like that! If you're sick of me then just say it, don't hide behind these round about answers." She took a step back and waves her arms to take in the tent, "Was this a break-up trip?" As the gravity of her question sunk in her arms slowly fell back to her sides, "You told me you loved me, have you changed your mind?"

"I have not," he sighed and his face went from stubborn to a little sad. "I do love you."

"But?"

His eyes met hers solidly and every ounce of stubbornness was back. "But it's best if I leave. I'm not meant for this kind of life, for settling. I thought I could achieve it once and look what happened. I work best on the edges, everyone's lives are…simpler that way."

She gaped at him, "What? And Kolyat? Do you plan to walk away from him again?"

He gave a self-deprecating little half-shrug, "He is settling into his own life as an adult. He doesn't need my interference."

"Inter- It's not interference! And of course he doesn't _need_ it. He _wants_ it. _I_ want it. We don't spend time with you because we should or because it's proper, we spend time with you because we love you! How do you not know this?! Thane, the fact that you're not in danger of dying any second isn't an _obstacle_, it's a _gift_."

He shook his head, as if she was talking crazy rather than sense. He turned and walked out of the tent, cutting her off from sight, just as he planned to cut her out of his life. As if she would make it that easy for him.

"Dammit, Thane!" she strode out after him and glared at his back. Evening was almost on them and the weather was turbulent. "Don't just walk away from me like that!" He stopped but didn't face her. She stared at him through the wind whipped strands of her hair.

"Siha, I-"

"No! You don't get to do this again, no more shutting people out. Now you listen" God, she wanted to smack him. She wanted to grab him and _make_ him listen to her, make him understand every word. "Listen to me," she walked slowly toward his back, voice lowering. "I will _not_ let you go. Not like this. If you genuinely want to leave me that's fine, I'm a big girl, I can live with that. But you are _not_ running away until I get to say this." She stopped, close enough to speak normally and still be heard through the wind, but far enough that if she reached out she wouldn't be able to touch him. She wanted him concentrating on her voice not her touch.

"When we first got here, I didn't like this place. It was too hot, too far away from everything I knew…I grew up in space, for God's sake. And Earth might be my home planet, but I never considered it my home. As far as I could tell we were in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by sand and death. But, I stayed anyway and over time," she paused, took a deep breath, "over time I began to feel at home. It's strange here, but I'm beginning to love it, to see the beauty. This is a hard place to live, but it's, it's actually _full_ of all kinds of life. Sure, sometimes it's a struggle, or sometimes it's scary, but I've seen things I never imagined, even in all my travels. I may not have a perfect memory but I can swear to you that this is something I will _never_ forget."

The wind picked up even more, kicking sand into the air and darkening the sky around them. She took another step toward him.

"I know this is hard for you, reconnecting with people, your son. Being with me. When it comes to long-term relationships you got a shitty record."

His body jerked from a snort, but she kept talking, hoping that something she said would sink in.

"And I know you feel like the only way this will end is in pain, but I promise, I _promise... _Stay. Stay with us and you'll see that there's so much hiding just under the surface. There's so much more you can experience. You told me once that if a memory felt as real as life it was as valid as life, but it's not. A memory can never be anything new or unexpected. It can never grow into something you've never felt before. Don't you want to know? Don't you want to _live_? You survived life as an assassin, you survived the Reapers, you survived a _terminal disease_! Don't let yourself be killed by fear!"

He spun and faced her, brows pulled down at an angry slant, mouth scowling.

"I'm not afraid of life-"

"Then prove it," she interrupted, taking the last step forward. "Prove to me you're not afraid _or_ asleep."

He leaned in and kissed her, hard, hands closing on her shoulders and pulling her against him.

"I'm not sleeping, and if you're so determined to give this a shot," he whispered against her mouth,  
"I'm not going anywhere."

"Good. There's no point anyway, I'll just drag you back again, even if I have to kick your ass to do it."

He smile, that small, soft smile that she had missed so much, kissed her again, tenderly this time, and slid his arms around her.

Suddenly the air filled with a loud hum, like the sound of helicopters bearing down on them or the engines of a ship taking off in atmosphere.

"What is _that_?!" Shepard started, half stepping out of his arms, turning in confusion. The noise rose and fell in strange patterns, almost like the song of a whale or the Rachni.

"The dunes!" Thane yelled over the noise, looking at the waves of sand. She followed his gaze and saw the furious wind draw patterns on the surface of the hills. The sound was coming from within the dunes themselves as massive amounts of sand rolled at the core, set to motion by the pressure of the wind. As the tons of sand shifted around, they dunes reverberated, creating the 'song' of the Singing Sand.

She laughed at the sound, tilted her head back and looked up into the darkened sky. It wasn't sand, but clouds that had caused the change in light. The sky was filled with the rolling clouds of a summer storm. The first few drops began to fall. They rolled off her cheeks, rinsing away the dust and sand. The desert sun was a merciless thing, stripping away everything but the essentials, the bare bones, but the rains had come and given life a fresh start. They marked the beginning of something new and clean, unshackled from the past and able to grow freely in a new season.


End file.
